Sabine is a failed whiskey drinker, expat, enthusiastic home cook, wife and mama to two little ones. Our little family of four live in a 100-square-metre apartment in the heart of Berlin. This is us.

Fan mail, inquiries and curios are best sent to sabinedevins(at)gmail

“Oh, but you don’t look 30”

Friends, can we stop considering this a compliment? I had a waffle date/play date yesterday morning with another Mama and her boy. While we sipped coffees, I said I was the same age as another 30 year old we know. And she said: “You don’t look 30!” 

And she meant it as a compliment. 

I smiled and said “Thanks, but I’m really ok with being 30.” 

Because I am 30 and I do look 30. I look like me at 30. By telling a woman she doesn’t look her age, we’re actually telling her that she doesn’t look what you expect that age to looks like. “Oh, you may be 30, but you’re still pretty. Weird.” 30 Rock dedicated a whole episode to this when Jenna tells a newspaper she’s 56. But really, she just looks good compared to the societally perceived norm for that age which is unattractive. We do the same when we say “Wow! Helen Mirren looks amazing at 67.” 

So let’s not bring age into this. I look 30. I look like me at 30. I don’t know who else I’m supposed to look like at this age. 

I know it’s considered a compliment. But let’s stop that. 

Let’s just tell each other: “You look nice.” 

Heather Locklear: What almost 50 looks like (PEOPLE magazine)

Barf, People, barf. This should read: What almost 50 in Hollywood looks like. She looks puffy and shiny and plastic.

When I was a teenager, the concern was that teen girls were comparing themselves with Kate Moss. Starving themselves to get that heroin chic look. It’s an illness. One that continues to persist.

As I, and other women in my generation age, I worry that this is the next thing. Hiding from our age, as though years that we have survived are a bad thing. That making it to 50 and looking it is a dishonourable thing. I look at women in Hollywood who are aging. Madonna is 52. Nicole Kidman and Halle Berry are 44. Demi Moore is 48. Brooke Shields is 46. And for all these women, the hair changes but the face stays the same.

It’s frightening. It’s frightening that they don’t age. It’s frightening that they expect us to believe that this is just what aging looks like now. And it’s frightening the lengths that women — young women getting botox in their 20s to deal with “wrinkles” — will go to in hopes that they achieve this “look” when they hit menopause.

I’m all for looking your best. I’m all for taking care of yourself, getting dressed to leave the house, eating well and being healthy. I wear make up and put on clothes that flatter. I get the desire to look nice, but I will always look like me and never expect the same me to face myself in the mirror, year after year.